As reeds in the wind - part 1

“Who gave you this authority?” they asked. He knew what reasoning was working its way through their minds, how they feared and yet relied upon the whims of the people.

O what fickle creatures are men…

Word spreads fast in these little towns, and hours before the man arrives, we hear that the Messiah has come, and he is actually going to teach here. What a great man he must be! A warrior, brave, one who will conquer the Romans and our enemies, and finally restore this nation to its place as G*d’s chosen. I walk out with everyone to greet him as he arrives, and my mind has traveled to the valiant deeds he will perform ere long when he finally takes up his sword and sets us free. I imagine what Israel will be, at last raised up from the chains of her thralldom, from the dry air of dust and heat, and how green pastures will roll over the sands and, like he has said, we will none of us ever go thirsty again.

He speaks with ancient wisdom; and though I at first doubt him – he is unkempt from travel and he does not speak at all properly (he is from a backwater town, after all) – I am amazed by his teaching because his message has authority. He casts an evil spirit out of a man and soon we have preached his name and his deeds to all the surrounding area.

I am so captivated by his words, and so enthralled by the thought of what will soon be, that I follow him. I listen to his teaching in other towns, see how he heals the leprous, the crippled, the blind. Eventually, we travel to Jerusalem. He is greeted by cheering crowds who cry out because if they do not then the stones will.

Mildly Antisocial Tendencies

Last night I told the story of Penny's birthday party. For those of you who may never have heard it, here it is. Don't worry, it's short.

In third grade, a second-grader invited me to her birthday party. She was a very popular second grader, so I went. I think she was in my Girl Scout Troop...

Anyway, at the party we had a lot of fun, went on a scavenger hunt, ate cake. At the end of the night, they turned on the radio and started dancing. Guess what I was doing? You all know, because you know me. I was sitting in a corner reading a book. They tried to get me to dance, but I didn't feel like it.

Now, I tell that story not because I want people to feel bad for me [why should they?], but rather because it's funny and it sums up my life in a few sentences. Yet whenever I recall that night, invariably someone listening says, "But you don't have to be that person!" I appreciate the sentiment, I do, but seriously, I don't think it's a bad thing to be a little antisocial.

I try to understand why people can be so upset by my introverted nature, and the only conclusion I can come to is that they think they are not entertaining me enough, or that something is wrong. (Sorry, but that's selfish.) So I try to include myself as much as possible, fight the urge to leave the group and read, daydream, write, etc, not because I am ashamed of who I am. No, I do it so that others don't feel bad.

That's not to say I don't enjoy people. No, I love being around people - I just don't always love interacting with them. Point: If I wander off, don't worry, I'll be back.

While I swing left, I am no fool

Why can't countries emerging from the third world (forgive the archaic terminology) create governments that are comparable to that of America? Why can they not avoid rule by a president elected for life (and usually in a military uniform)?

I was reading recently about Venezuela's expected approval of a new socialist constitution that promises benefits for the everyman and the working class, and, conveniently makes it possible for Chavez to rule for the rest of his life. Hm. And as I read about how the people believe this new government will only improve their lives, I realized what the difference is.

Our founders were all rich, well educated, land owners. They had no desire to bow to the masses; only to create a form of government that would actually work. They wrote a Constitution that made it exceptionally difficult for the country to be shifted in the winds of the untethered and violent swings of the populace. The masses are fools, and will act selfishly, without care or understanding of how their actions affect the whole or the future. Our institutions are formed to avoid the mistakes of a pure democracy (Greece) and to give more power to the elite (the Senate in its original form - but even we cannot avoid the whims of the ignorant and have given the job of electing the Upper House to the general public. I don't know that corruption has lessened by that... it has probably just changed in form.)

But the governments that are now created, like the new one of Venezuela, are just popular coups by men who don't want to lose power and know the people will support anything that gives pensions to housewives.

God watch after them. They are creating a monster.

High like a telephone pole

I was raised in the church, but the Christianity was of nothing deeper than felt boards, Father Abraham, and a picture Bible. When I got a little older, my faith was not influenced by a church but by the stronger Christians in my family, who happened to be charismatic. While my feelings on the matter have changed some since then, at the time I was surrounded by speaking in tongues, laying on of hands, anointing in oil, and once... prophesy.

Now, I am not too sure about prophesy of the sort that speaks to the individual. It is a bit too reminiscent of fortune telling, I think. And our ways, flawed creatures that we are, move so erratically that to truly predict them in a meaningful way will make the telling so specific that it will make it easier to force its fulfillment. Furthermore, it is far less difficult for a single person to complete - or thwart - a prophesy than it is for a whole nation, or even all of creation.

I do not know much about the theological ideas on prophesy (but I would like to learn more from you Bible college students who are better versed in the specifics); yet I do know that there is always a feeling of mystery to the prophet's words up to and maybe even after their fulfillment. They should not be something simple to decipher long before the relevant events. Of course, prophesies aren't always just promises of doom and destruction, or of hope and salvation. But they aren't generic, either.

When I was fourteen I met a man at a meeting who was a prophet. He was speaking over some of the people there, and at one point called me into the middle where he spoke words about me. Now, honestly, the things he said could be interpreted to apply to anyone. There was nothing in his words that appealed to me and my nature and life. And so I wonder... was he really speaking something God wanted me to hear? Or were these generalities he might have uttered to any young person?

[In case you wanted to know, while I do not remember everything he said, here is some of it:

"You have a high calling, high like a telephone pole."
"God's will for you will unfold as a rose."
"You will meet a sheep in wolf's clothing." Yes, that's what he said.]

I am amazed at how innocent minds, unused to questioning and cynicism, will absorb and accept all things. I took all he said, all I had heard until that point, as something factual and not to be doubted. But looking back, I wonder at the foundations for my faith, and whether they may not be a bit skewed. This is not to say there is anything specifically wrong with all the things that charismatics typically do - they just do them in excess.

While Nero plays the lyre

A lament to Rome...

Of course, your modern ramparts have not yet fallen. It is, perhaps, too soon to claim defeat of your might. And yet, I laugh ironically, and falsely too [I have learned to wear the mask that satisfies my peers] at what peril you might now be found. I might now be found.

You fight so fiercely, but blindly too, for the way things ought to be in a civilized world, and in fear rally.
...

I'm no poet. I don't pretend I can say anything meaningful. I think, actually, I'm just too lazy to refine my thoughts. But then, all I can contribute are my thoughts. What else can I or will I give? I really should make my gifts the best I can. I'm just too tired. There are too many things for me to do.

Sequitur

God created a universe pure in its mathematical precision. We make our predictions based on logic and deduction and probability, and consistently find that His creation follows perfectly.

So then, one must beg the question... would He really create something that we might be able to fully understand? Of course, we do not understand everthing now... even those properties and laws that we reason to exist have natures that our limited technology and science cannot completely explain. But will there ever be a point when we can... by logic... discover all there is to His creation? Or as we discover more, will we find that creation does not, in fact, adhere to the rules we once perceived?


What then? Do we dare say that God created a universe without reason? Because then all argument for His existence, if not relying on faith, becomes pointless. And while faith ought to be enough, we are human. I am human. And if the reason that sustains me when my faith is shaken is then severed by my own discovery that no logic holds, I am afraid my entire being shall then collapse.

Actually, I think I've answered my own question.

I'd appreciate any thoughts anyone else may have had on this matter.

Catharsis, Shame (or the lack thereof), and Conformity

I just got home from seeing the most amazingly incredible show I have been to in nearly ten years. Maybe it's because I went to see Emery (they are... well, the best there is in the post hardcore scene, and I don't care what anyone has to say about the new album, I will always love them) or maybe it's because nearly every band that played was talented and well put together and presented a good act.

But in any case, it provided a long overdue moment of catharsis. I could scream at the top of my lungs, and though surrounded by a thousand kids, no one heard me. I could throw my body about in the violent passion of the beats and the screams. I felt the emotion of the song and then vented it with my voice. In short, I did some soul cleansing.

Perhaps it is good I went alone. Such things work best when not observed by those who may later comment.

Though I was disappointed that only one band (of course, not all of them were Christian... that is, Christians in a band) made any mention of their true purpose. I understand the urgency to avoid labels, but I think many groups avoid the Christian music title so that they may not alienate those they are trying to reach. Yet there was one who showed no shame in their faith. The lead singer/screamer in Devil Wears Prada proudly declared that they were there to serve the man Jesus Christ. I cannot describe the thrill I felt at that shameless cry.

But then, when the cheers were far less than they had been, and I heard the laughter of the kid next to me, I looked around and laughed. In a sad sort of way. Every kid looked the same: swoop bangs, with hair dyed either black or platinum, tight pants and Converse/Keds for shoes, big black watches and wrist bands, tattoo sleeves and monstrous gauges. They were all trying to stand out, but, as we have seen a thousand times before, they all ended up looking the same.

The ways of this world are flawed and boring. So hurray to the iconoclasts and the rebels and those who would make their true allegiances known without fear or regret.